Negotiation Rule 1 - Understanding Self-Interest

I was in Austin, Texas with my youngest daughter at a local coffee shop we both adore. When we are together in Austin, a Summer Moon Milkshake (a blend of espresso and Heaven) tells us we are off to a wonderful day of adventure and fun. As it happened on this particular day, thecombination of caffeine, sugar-milk, and ice was most delightful. We thanked the barista for an exceptional job and headed toward the door.

A lady of about 45 years, wearing workout clothes and carrying a hot tea, approached my daughter at the napkin bar. Politeness dictated a kind hello, and the conversation that followed was most amusing. The new acquaintance asked my daughter about her milkshake. An explanation of its highly pleasing qualities followed, and then it happened….. Our new found friend said to my daughter, “that must be full of calories.” I knew from the minute it left the lips of our coffee cohort that conflict was about to ensue. No, my daughter would never engage in a competitive debate with an adult (although she would hold her own); instead, I would be the recipient of at least an hour of questions about the situation. So much for a wonderful day of adventure and fun!

Allow me the courtesy of backing up one moment. I have failed to detail to you my most bias description of my youngest daughter. She is a free spirited eighteen year old -girl that is in love with life. The only thing more beautiful than her long blonde hair is the smile that constantly remains on her face. She is a living doll. However, living dolls have apparent sensitivities to comments they believe are taken from their very own magic mirror on-the-wall.

While the hot tea lady simply stated, “that must be full of calories,” my lovely daughter actually heard, “you fat cow, how can your fat self drink such a fattening coffee, you fat – fat – fat girl?” Not the simplest of misunderstandings a father wishes to extricate himself from before enjoying his day. My explanation to her is a useful way to begin a discussion about negotiation and, more generally, human interaction. And thus our journey begins.

Rule 1 – Every action of a human being has a self interest.

In a most arrogant assumption of life, humans subjectively consider how they are affected by the world around them. There are several theories concerning why such phenomena exist; however resent research indicates that our brains take in information and process such information as if we are actually living the scenario. It is a complicated truth that we see the world as how it affects us – not anyone else. So my daughter, most naturally, assumed that the statement regarding the caloric properties of our weekend coffee-milkshake was directed at her. She inferred that the tea lady was making an off-handed remark about her